Hair loss is not a fun topic for anyone, let alone a 21-year-old woman. We love our hair and always need it to be perfect. Soon I wouldn't have any hair to fix. I wanted to be prepared for this step. It was the only part of the next couple of months that I worried about. At first, I was adamant about having a wig before my hair fell out. I would say that I wasn't going anywhere without hair on my head. I didn't want people to look at me and say, "look she definitely has cancer." Hair wraps, beanies, hats, bandanas... I wasn't planning on going out in any of it. I didn't want anyone to know, it made me feel weak.
I never truly mentally prepared to lose my hair. How would you go about that? Talk about it? That would just make me more upset. I went the route of ignoring it until it needed to be addressed. I just wanted the wig to be ready. First, we wanted to check out the wig shop in the hospital. They made it sound like a decent place to start. Yeah, well... it wasn't. The wigs that I tried on looked faker than the party city wigs. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Although, I do appreciate them providing that service, it just wasn't for me. My mom heard that some insurance companies would pay for a wig, if you have your oncologist write a prescription for a cranial prosthesis. We were in luck! Our insurance would pay a certain amount for a wig, if you got the wig from a salon on their list. We drove about an hour to a wig place to check it out and get fitted. The lady that helped me was great! She made me feel comfortable with what was going on.
I tried on a few wigs, one of them being blonde. It was still July and I was pretty tan. When I put on this blonde wig, all I could think of was how much I looked like tan mom! Ugh... blonde was not my color. I decided on a 14 inch brown wig. Before ordering the wig, she said she would add any coloring and style to it the next time we came in. She also wanted to cut my hair short, but I was not ready for the short hair just yet. I told her I would think about it for when we come back.
A week went by and the hair had to go! It was starting to get everywhere. It didn't come out in patches but taking showers and brushing it pulled strands out from all over. The day before my 3rd treatment, we went back to the wig store. The lady showed us the two wigs that she ordered, neither of which was what we agreed upon. She proceeded to make sure I was ready to cut my hair short. It was annoying so "yes I am ready, but only cut it to my shoulders." Of course, she cut it much shorter. I guess it's fine though because I donated the ponytail. The lady started to dye my wig with the blonde and red I picked out. The red was showing up, but the blonde wouldn't work. She washed the wig, styled the wig and re-added the blonde. The blonde still did not show up.
After she cut and styled the wig to give it some layers I ended up looking down at the wig and realized it was a hack job. I wanted to cry! After 3 hours in the salon, I was devastated! I left with an ugly bob and a wig that looked like it had awful extensions. It was difficult not to have the hair that made me, me. I didn't recognize myself.
My mom knew how upset I was about how the appointment went, so she scheduled me to see our regular hair dresser, Jessica, the following day after my 3rd chemo, July 16th. Jessica did wonders to the wig and my hair. Needless to say, this put a big smile on my face.
One of my best friends, Deryn, along with family friends, Nicole and Anthony, came to visit on July 26th. This was about a week and a half after my third chemo. I was shedding like a shaggy dog! Saturday morning, July 27th, I decided to cut off the rest of my hair. I was nervous but so ready to get it over with. I figured that I better get it off because I am going to look uglier with half hair and half no hair, than bald with a nice wig. Having Deryn there with me made it a lot easier. I was able to chop off my hair, while laughing. We started by cutting off the long pieces and then I had my dad go over it with his clippers. When all was said and done, I went to check out my new head. Haha, it was definitely bald! The weird part was, I didn't really mind it. That day we had a pool party at the Suntini Resort and Spa (our staycation). I was nervous to see everyone because I didn't want the attention. I warmed up and started cracking jokes within the first hour. Side note: the pool water feels amazing on a bald head!
For dinner, we went to my favorite restaurant bar and had a great night!
The unknown is scary. You can't prepare yourself for something like this. How do you move on? You don't, you embrace it. Who cares what people are going to think about my bald head...I have cancer. Eventually, I would forget that I didn't have hair and would go out in public not even wearing a hat. One time, I was going through the Wendy's drive through and this nice old lady said "Oh I love that you shaved your head, I've always wanted to do something like that"...yep lady, this is exactly what I wanted to do with my hair this summer. I went on to tell her that it was great for the summer, keeps you nice and cool.
July 29th, I had my second PET scan. When the results came back, my doctor explained that I would need 2 more cycles, which is 4 treatments or 8 weeks. This was heartbreaking because I had thought I would be done by the end of August. I was not prepared to be going through these treatments until late October and then having radiation on top of that. A small breakdown occurred after hearing this news. But I knew I had to keep taking it one step at a time.
Olive is now 4 months old! She gets bigger and bigger every day. She also gives the best cuddles!